Category Archives: Humor

The World Will Turn Right-Side Up

Maybe it’s just me—extremist, radical me—but sometimes I wonder about the day when American foreign policy won’t look so much like a nightmarish film written and directed by our enemies, and our SNAPpy neighbors will find jobs, and American education will be managed by parents and local communities.

In fact, I expect there will be a number of significant things happening that day. CNN will report an event without injecting an anti-American slant, Bernie Sanders will praise the benefits of the free market, George Soros will acknowledge the existence of a Being higher than himself, and Black Lives Matter will fight for the lives of unborn black babies.

That will happen, of course, the same day that Richard Haass and the Council on Foreign Relations are exposed by The New York Times. Henry Kissinger will be given a fair trial and find himself behind bars for treason. The Clintons will be encouraged to seek refuge in Russia, where no doubt their friend Putin will cordially welcome them; and frankly, I’m pretty sure Hillary’s silly grin will disappear en route. At the same time the Clinton Foundation will repudiate its history and donate to The John Birch Society.

On the afternoon of that wonderful day, I’ll drive over to the grocery store and purchase my week’s groceries with a silver eagle rather than those pathetic Federal Reserve Notes. Up the road, the Federal Reserve Bank of Minneapolis will be sitting vacant until an honest company makes it their office. Janet Yellen will be in search of a new job, Robert Lighthizer will publicly denounce entangling international trade agreements, Jeb Bush will say something truly enlightening, Mark Meckler will praise the limited government of the Constitution, and John McCain and Lindsey Graham will jointly condemn the communism of Nelson Rolihlahla Mandela.

That day I’ll jump on the Internet and the numbers on the national debt-watch websites will be steadily decreasing at the rate they are increasing today. That day copies of the US Constitution all over America will be retrieved from shadowy corners and dusted off and read. Refugees will desist from flooding our country, and that evening NAFTA will be canceled in a late night session of Congress.

Harry Reid will, in his esteemed retirement, vocally support private firearms ownership, and Cecile Richards will stand up for women’s health by discouraging certain murderous and unnatural behavior.

As the cherished principles of freedom spread the world over on that blessed day, I can vividly see the dissolving of the Disunited Nations, and the blue-helmeted “peace keepers” going home, and the UN world judges casting off their priestly robes, and the Climate Alarmists confessing their distortion of records in order to scare the populace. I can see the obnoxiously tall building in NYC finding a new location elsewhere in this wide, wide world, perhaps under a different name—maybe they’ll even construct a statue of a real gun on the grounds this time, just to see if it improves their luck. Nikki Haley will have to move onto more important work; perhaps she’ll be qualified to provide assistance to Venezuela.

That day Bernie Sanders will discontinue raging, John Kaisch will become a conservative, James Comey will make sense, “Reverend” Al will bite his Sharp-Tongue, Mitch McConnell will advocate putting America first, Bob Goodlatte will live up to his name, Paul Ryan will vote against a globalist measure, Chuck Schumer will quit his double-talk, Congress will take a vacation, and “let’s move” Michelle Obama and her husband will pack their bags and “move” away from our capital, having overstayed their visit.

Lawyers will gain simplicity, professors sense, snowflakes guts, protesters haircuts, celebrities clothing, men masculinity, women femininity, loafers jobs, and government tax-cuts. There will be much gained on that day.

Losses will be heavy as well, however.

John McCain will lose his conservative mask, Bill Kristol his following, Nancy Pelosi her ego, Rex Tillerson his job, Bill Ayers his head, Hollywood its business, Fox News its credibility, the Supreme Court its sovereign authority, ambassadors their immunity, the UN its usurped powers, and Congress the major portion of their paychecks; the Constitution will be bereaved of the 16th and 17th Amendments, reporters of their arrogance, universities of federal funding, Montana of its grizzlies, political parties of their monopoly on elections, taxpayers of their immense burden, bureaucracies of their bureaucrats, loafers of their unemployment benefits, and liberals of the privilege of defining our language for us. Conservatives will gladly shed political correctness at this time and speak the Truth freely.

On that marvelous day “McCarthyism” will become a mark of distinction, Robert Welch will be remembered as one of America’s greatest (and most brilliant) heroes, and America’s #1 news publication will be The New American magazine.

That day the world will turn upside down. . .or will it be right-side up?

Until then, in Deo speramus alia vigilemus.
(In God we trust, all others we watch.)

Woe to You, Politicians, Hypocrites!

The text of Matthew 23 revised for some of those who need to be exposed in modern times. Specially crafted for Republican and Democrat politicians alike. 🙂

Note: This is not written to those precious few public servants who actually abide by their oath to the Constitution.

The politicians have seated themselves in Congress, the White House, and the Supreme Court; therefore all that they tell you, do and observe (unless you want to go to jail), but do not do according to their deeds; for they say things and do not do them. They tie up heavy burdens on men’s shoulders, but they themselves are unwilling to move them with so much as a finger. But they do all their deeds to be noticed by men; for they speak far and wide about our beloved Founding Fathers, and carry pocket Constitutions around with them for show. They love the place of honor and the chief seats, and respectful greetings in the market places, and being called “lawmakers”, “leaders”, and “rulers” by men. But do not be called king; for One is your King, that is, Christ. But the greatest among you shall be your servant. Whoever exalts himself shall be humbled; and whoever humbles himself shall be exalted.

Woe to you, lawyers and politicians, hypocrites, because you devour widows’ houses, and for a pretense you make long speeches; therefore you will receive greater condemnation.

Woe to you, politicians, hypocrites, because you send our Armed Forces around on sea and land to make “peace”; and when you have done so (in name only), you set up a puppet dictator and you make him twice as much a violater of human rights as yourselves.

Woe to you, blind guides, who swear an oath to obey the Constitution, for after you are in office, you never think twice about the Constitution again.

Woe to you, politicians, hypocrites! For you collect taxes and duties from us, and yet have neglected the weightier provisions of the law: justice and mercy and faithfulness; but these are the things you should have done without neglecting the others. You blind guides, who strain out a gnat and swallow a camel!

Woe to you, politicians, hypocrites! For you try to fix the problems of the rest of the world. You blind politicians, first fix the problems in our own country, so that America may then be an example to the rest of the world.

Woe to you, politicians, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs which on the outside appear beautiful, but inside they are full of dead men’s bones and all uncleanness. So you, too, outwardly appear concerned to constituents, but inwardly you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness.

Woe to you, politicians, hypocrites! For you establish the national monuments of the patriots of old (unconstitutionally, by the way), and yet you work at the same time to destroy those principles for which they fought and died: life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. You serpents, you brood of vipers, how will you escape the sentence of hell?